I experienced something today that I wish no one would ever have to experience in their life, but sadly to say it is experienced more often than not. I know that some of the blame is with me in having experienced this but I will also note the fault of others. On a bright note, as always I have learned something very important from my run in with this experience, something that will change my life and the life of those around me.
Today I came into contact with the feeling of being completely alone. Having no friends and having the feeling that if I were to just disappear, no one would even notice. No not suicidal thoughts or things like, it was more of what if I just didn't show up. It was and is a horrible feeling one I wish I did not feel.
I was once told that sometimes we have to experience something so that can learn something, and so that we can then help someone else. I have decided to use this experience to do both. I know how it is to feel alone. This is not my first experience with the feeling but it was the strongest. I also know that I'm not really alone. I have parents who love me dearly, I have family who cares for me, and I have friends. Ok so on to the point already.....
What I am LEARNING
- You can be in a room full of people and still feel completely and utterly alone
- You are never alone!!!! The Savior is always there for you no matter what and no matter where you are.
- You have to put yourself out there and sometimes get hurt and be disappointed in order to help get rid of the feeling.
- Forgetting yourself and helping someone else usually helps in doing the trick.
What I will be DOING
- I decided today as I had this feeling of 'aloneness' that I didn't like it so I am going to start getting to know my new ward.
- I will make one visit a week to someone new in my Relief Society. Yes I know this might be awkward and that they may not like me or even let me in but I will have put out the effort (of course I will go with gifts hoping that it will soften hearts)
- I will be the first to introduce myself to people - I'm not going to wait for them.
- I am going to smile more....I do this already but I feel like an extra effort is always good and needed.
- I am going to take care of the 'people' first. Noting that sometimes this may mean putting off other things to help someone in need.
- I am going to pray for guidance to help me know who needs my help. I will also be praying for courage as I will need it in order to do the will of the Lord.
- I am also going to start taking notes in Church again. I feel like this will better help me during the week.
- I want to notices who is missing......if they are not there I want to send them a note letting them know they were missed and that I noticed. I know it's small but it means the world to get things like that. Just to know that someone cares.
- I love attending the Kennedy Center free showings. So I'm going to invite people to come with me.
I know there are more things I can do but this is my start. It's going to be hard I know. I hope that with me doing this I will be able to help those around me (as I know there are a few) that are feeling the same way. I don't want any one to ever feel what i felt to day. To think that they are alone - at least as far as I can help it.
Yours Truly,
Jenessa
