Feeling Alone

Dear READER,


I experienced something today that I wish no one would ever have to experience in their life, but sadly to say it is experienced more often than not. I know that some of the blame is with me in having experienced this but I will also note the fault of others. On a bright note, as always I have learned something very important from my run in with this experience, something that will change my life and the life of those around me.

Today I came into contact with the feeling of being completely alone. Having no friends and having the feeling that if I were to just disappear, no one would even notice. No not suicidal thoughts or things like, it was more of what if I just didn't show up. It was and is a horrible feeling one I wish I did not feel.

I was once told that sometimes we have to experience something so that can learn something, and so that we can then help someone else. I have decided to use this experience to do both. I know how it is to feel alone. This is not my first experience with the feeling but it was the strongest. I also know that I'm not really alone. I have parents who love me dearly, I have family who cares for me, and I have friends. Ok so on to the point already.....


What I am LEARNING

1. You can be in a room full of people and still feel completely and utterly alone
2. You are never alone!!!! The Savior is always there for you no matter what and no matter where you are.
3. You have to put yourself out there and sometimes get hurt and be disappointed in order to help get rid of the feeling.
4. Forgetting yourself and helping someone else usually helps in doing the trick.

What I will be DOING

1. I decided today as I had this feeling of 'aloneness' that I didn't like it so I am going to start getting to know my new ward.
2. I will make one visit a week to someone new in my Relief Society. Yes I know this might be awkward and that they may not like me or even let me in but I will have put out the effort (of course I will go with gifts hoping that it will soften hearts)
3. I will be the first to introduce myself to people - I'm not going to wait for them.
4. I am going to smile more....I do this already but I feel like an extra effort is always good and needed.
5. I am going to take care of the 'people' first. Noting that sometimes this may mean putting off other things to help someone in need.
6. I am going to pray for guidance to help me know who needs my help. I will also be praying for courage as I will need it in order to do the will of the Lord.
7. I am also going to start taking notes in Church again. I feel like this will better help me during the week.
8. I want to notices who is missing......if they are not there I want to send them a note letting them know they were missed and that I noticed. I know it's small but it means the world to get things like that. Just to know that someone cares.
9. I love attending the Kennedy Center free showings. So I'm going to invite people to come with me.

I know there are more things I can do but this is my start. It's going to be hard I know. I hope that with me doing this I will be able to help those around me (as I know there are a few) that are feeling the same way. I don't want any one to ever feel what i felt to day. To think that they are alone - at least as far as I can help it.


Yours Truly,


Jenessa

A Cancer Scare - A Blessing

Dear READER,


..........I guess the best place to start this post is by sharing one of my greatest fears. I have always had the fear of getting cancer and dieing. I don't know why that is like my worst fear but it has always been that way since I can remember.

While I was growing up my brother, any time he had a bump, scrap, scar anything he would point to it and dramatically say "It's Cancer" and start freaking out. He still does it today, it's become a really funny thing in my family were if anyone has anything wrong 'oh it must be cancer'. We don't seriously mean it but we just say it - thanks to my brother it's just something that is there.

On my mission one of my companions ended up having breast cancer while on her mission. I was so scared. She was not only my companion but had turned into my best friend. I can't exactly explain how I felt but It was not a pleasant feeling. The one thing I remember thinking was -- we are being so obedient, working so hard, how can this be happening? It wasn't even me but I was mad. Mad that this would happen to my best friend how could it. Everything turned out ok and she continued to serve a full and faithful mission.

At the beginning of this year I fell down some stairs. For most of you who know me, you are probably thinking that this is a perfectly normal thing to be happening to me. I fall up stairs, down stairs, down hills, walk into walls, and doors, and I trip almost everywhere. (Well I used to -- I haven't been as clumsy since my mission, I think I truly learned to walk while on my mission but it took a good month or so). Anyways I fell down this flight of stairs while I was babysitting and I really hurt myself. So much so that I considered going to see a doctor - that didn't last long as you will also know because I just hate doctors. I don't know why I just do and hospital are terrifying to me. So it was a quick and fleeting thought. So instead I went to a Chiropractor.

This Chiropractor took tons of x-rays and made sure I hadn't torn anything. The part of me that hurt the most are my right hip and left arm. He took extra care to take more x-rays of these two parts just to be sure. No broken bones, YEAH!!!!!

BUT

We ended up finding a black spot on my left arm near my elbow. It was about the size of tack. We sent the x-rays to a specialist who came back and asked that some more x-rays and test be taken. For those of you who don't know Black spots on bones are really Really REALLY bad. They are usually cancer and not a good thing to have. Not only was a pocked and pricked and tested but I was scared to death. My Chiropractor was there through the whole thing kind of acting like my Brother making me laugh and telling me oh it's probably cancer no big deal and saying it will hurt today but tomorrow it will be better. He really is a great guy....during the time my test were with the specialist I have had physical therapy three times a week trying to get things working and better.

Then the day finally came to meet with the specialist. A little short man with graying hair came in, and said ok well you're great. That was it, I was shocked and a bit taken back. What? 'The spot on your bone is actually tissue'. I had broken that same part of my bone twice before and apparently had chipped away some of the bone now there was some soft tissue there, which 'Naturally' would show up black on a x-ray because it's not bone.

I was so happy I could have cried. Ok so I did get a bit emotional but I didn't cry. I felt so blessed, there are no words to tell you how blessed I felt. I was standing on my metro the next day and saw this sign saying that in May there was going to be a walk here in D.C. for a cure for cancer. I had seen it a few times on the metro I mean I'm on it twice a day for 40 minutes of course I had seen it, read it, and ignored it. But on this particular day. My heart full of gratitude for being cancer free I read it, felt it in my heart, and made up my mind to do something about it. Long story short, MAY 4 I will be walking 26 miles for a cure.

I know this is getting really long but I do need to add just one more part to this story. I asked my family to keep me in their prayers as this was going on and especially on the day I went to see the specialist. I have never felt so much peace walking into a room knowing that the information could be really bad. It wasn't but it could of been - there are many who go into those rooms and who's lives are changed forever because they do have cancer. It made really appreciate those who are survivors and those who are struggling at this time with cancer. What great faith they must have. I hope that they all have family who are praying for them like mine did for me.

Take the time to day to say a little prayer for those who may be suffering at this time with cancer. If you know someone who had cancer take the time to call them and tell them you love them and believe in them.


Yours Truly,

Jenessa

Blessing of Technology

Dear READER,


This is going to be just a quick post but I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for technology. I know that sound a bit vain.

Let me tell you what technology was able to do for me just today.

- I was able to talk to my Dad who is thousands of miles away in a war zone.
- I was able to check emails at home (due to an ice rain storm)
- I was able to check my voicemail from the office on my cell phone.
- I was able to heat up my lunch in a microwave
- I was able to turn on heat in my apartment


I mean the list goes on an on. I am so grateful for modern technology and the blessings it can bring to our lives if used the right way.


Yours Truly,

Jenessa

NEW YEARS GOALS for 2013

Dear READER,

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow 2013 is finally here and I don’t know if I’m ready for it, what the heck I am so ready for 2013. I am planning and setting goals and really determined to be well amazing. (We will get back to that word ‘amazing in a minute.) I hate how we all make goals for New Years and by the summer we’ve failed so we are thinking ‘ok by Christmas what can I accomplish?’ and ‘well I’ll just start on it next year’. I HATE that. So my very first goal of the New Year’s is to never give up on what my goals are…no matter how hard they are or how bad I might be doing at them.

As you might have already noticed I’m going to let you be a part of my goal setting this year for 2013. I am really excited for this year; this is going to be my year.

So before I list my goals I would like to tell you what my 2013 motto is. I actually got it from someone else but it hit me like a brick so I decided to use it. My motto for 2013 is…………………..Drum roll please……………………………………… “Expect Amazing!” It means knowing you can do it before you even start. Know that whatever I put my mind to will be fine, not just fine but amazing. It means that I need to believe in myself and what I can do because in the end it should be amazing. I can’t really put into words how it hit me and how it makes sense in my mind and heart but it’s what I’m going with. I’ve already printed it out and have it on the bathroom mirror, the fridge, the T.V. stand and in my office at work. It’s what I am aiming to be and do. So when you read my goals and thing I plan on doing this year, just know that I have Expect Amazing with each of them. So without any further delay and rambling on, here it is for 2013.

Be absolutely Amazing!!!!!!!!  The end, no I’m kidding sorry I just thought it was really funny J

-          Loose the weight. I have 70 lbs I would rather be without so this year is the year I say goodbye to it all. If you are my friend and if you are still reading at this point you much be my friend, you will understand that when I invite you to a Zumba class or say no to going out for lunch it’s not because I don’t love you or that I think you are fat. I just want to do something that doesn’t deal with food and that will be beneficial to me. I also just really love Zumba and think you should come.

-          I want to become a work out feen. I want to know how to work out and work out good and hard.

-          I am going to learn more about sports….especially football and soccer, but also basketball, baseball, hockey. I’d say more but I think for this year I will just focus on the major ones. Then next years (2014) move on to things like tennis, golf, and so on. HONESTLY we’ll have to see how far I get with this one, but I am expecting amazing so I’m going to know them and enjoy them.

-          I am starting my Graduate studies this summer for Event Planning. I am either going to get the certificate, or just the full out Degree or both. I don’t know but I will be starting in June.

-          I intend to get a bicycle. Yes a real one, that you use outside and everything. I would love to have a basket on it but that is optional. I want it because I live right next to the bay and this lovely path and I want to ride my bike on it.

-          In May I have a work meeting in Orlando Florida. It is one of our biggest meetings and I am fully in charge of it.  So after that I am spending three to five days in Disney World, which is going to be amazing.

-          I want to walk in a few events like the ‘walk for a cure’, and ‘walk for children something or other’. So I will be keeping my eye open for events like this and then I will be attending them.

-          I want to date. At least once a month go on a date with someone. Either him asking me or me asking him. But I am determined. I just now have to muster up the courage to do it.

-          I am planning and am determined to be in Germany for Christmas or actually week before Christmas. I have a jar full of coins to use for it and also got a bonus at work which will be going to it. SO I am really excited about it. It’s taken a long time to get there but I’m finally going to be there.

-          I am going to be able to pay off my Student Loans this year. Well my loans form BYU-Idaho. I don’t know about my graduate program as of it. I do know that my office pays $4,000 a year for school so that will help it will all just depend on what I do. BUT the BYU-Idaho school loans will be paid off YEAH!!!!

-          I want to come prepared for Church (having all the reading done and prepared with questions and such) every Sunday. This shouldn’t be a problem this year as I start this new schedule of Church from 3:00pm to 6:00pm (worst ever but that’s ok I will find the positive in it somehow and you will probably hear about it in post later on down the road.

-          I would like to start my Institute program, which will include starting, working on and graduating from institute. I believe it’s a four year program like seminary was but we shall see.

-          I want to attend cultural and festive events in the area. I want to never regret not going to something I could have or would have enjoyed if I would have just gotten out of the house and done it. This might include making new friends who will go with you to these kinds of things. (plays, musical concerts, festivals, and such)

-          I will/want to attend the temple twice a month. If not more….depending on the month and times and such. But at least twice a month I will be there.

-          One of my goals I will be working on and it includes my temple attendance, church participation, institute and my other scripture and spiritual goals is that I want to have the gospel in my bones. (I’ll explain this in a later post as it deserves one to the whole concept).

-          I want to get my family together twice a month for Family Home Evening via Skype. I would like to have them be on the Christlike attributes intermingles with the For Strength of Youth as that is where some of our family is. A month for a topic is a good start and will help us as we strive to be better at the attribute and concept.

-          I would like to know the girls better in my R.S. as the Visiting Teaching Coordinator; I want to magnify my calling to the best of my ability. So I want to get to know the girls by name and really work on know their needs and the needs of companions and so forth. I can’t help if I’m not willing to learn and know.

As I am reading through my list I find that I have more and more things come to mind. So I’m stopping before it becomes impossible. I hope your New Years was a good one. I pray that this year (2013) will be a wonderful one for you and you r loved ones.

Yours Truly,

Jenessa

The End of 2012 - what a year

Dear READER,

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!

Can you believe its 2013? I can’t it feels like just yesterday when we brought in 2012. 2012 has gone by really fast and I have had a lot happen during the year – and when I say a lot I really do mean a lot.

I graduated from one of the best Universities out there – BYU-Idaho. I don’t think I really realized how much I was getting at that school or how much I would miss it until I graduated. I learned so much there and made the greatest friendships I could ever wish for.

I was offered my dream job, which I took. I wake up every morning and look forward to going to work. Ok there are some days I would like to sleep in for another hour but I still love going to work. I get to travel all over the U.S. which is way cool. It’s funny because I was caught calling one of my work meetings a vacation. It’s because they put us up in these nice hotels, and treat us well even though we are out there working. Its’ great!!! I also work for some of the nicest people out there. They really know there stuff and so far it’s been a wonderful experience working there and I hope to continue that trend for a long time. Side note --- I just hit my six month mark this December. I really can’t believe it’s been that long.

I moved to Virginia – which was a scary move for me. I didn’t want to be in the D.C. area because of how busy life gets and how much people get caught up in their work. I was given the job of my dreams so moving to Virginia was part of that deal. IT HAS BEEN WONDERFUL. I love it. I have a wonderful apartment, with no roommates (not that I didn’t love my roommates at BYU-I, I was just ready to live on my own. It’s one of those things I had to do, just to be able to say that I did it and survived – so far I’m surviving just fine – other then I miss coming home to a girl who will listen to how I flirted with this guy and got his number and so forth, other than that I’m doing great.).

I found a second job – Not that I need it at all, I don’t I just wanted it. I want to get a bicycle, take a trip to Disneyworld, be in Germany for Christmas and I don’t want to scrip through those events I want to be able to do and be, and go where I want not having to worry about the cost. Well at least not as bad as I would normally. So I have this babysitting job. (This is where I am right now on this wonderful NEW YEARS EVE)  Every other week I watch these kids for a few hours. It’s $15 an hour which is actually really great seeing as these are the cutest kids ever. They are 7, 5, and 2. One boy and two girls and they are just adorable. So it’s not hard to come here and watch them at all. Tonight we made telephones out of cups, necklaces out of cheerios and noodles, ate fortune cookies, and played games. It was tons of fun and they each got to stay up late and party. None of them made it past 11pm but we had fun while they lasted.

See it’s been a busy year. 2012 was great to me and so much fun. Worth everything I went through to get where I am today.

Ok enough about 2012. It’s the New Years and that’s all making goals and setting plans so go on to my next post to read about 2013 and what it holds in store. I know that there are only a few maybe two that actually read my post, but I like to keep it a bit interesting and have you read on, so on to the next post.

Yours Truly,

Jenessa

Dating Ideas

Dear READER,


I've always thought that it was important that if you are going on a date you need to have some type of plan. I hate dates where they pick you up and say..."ok, what do you want to do?". I don't know you asked me if you wanted me to choose let me now and I could have put something together. Are you serious. Anyways a bit of a pet peeve of mine obviously.

I dated this one guy and well he was pretty amazing. And anytime we went out He always had a plan. ALWAYS! They were sometimes cheap and just fun and other times he had put out a lot of money and thought. I loved going out with him because of that. It made me feel like he really cared about me.

So this post is dedicated and inspired by him. Below are a list of fun date ideas that I have come up with. Some are really cheap others take some more planning. There are a few for groups and a few that you will need to check your neighborhood for. Remember, if you put a little time and effort into it then it goes better all around and the results are better. Have fun!

• Build a sand castle (at the beach or in a sand box)
• Make paper airplanes
• Popcorn and a chick-flick movie
• Green Eggs & Ham date (read the book together while on your date)
• Go for a bike ride
• Wash a car together
• Play a sport together
• BIG GROUP - Play night games
• Go to an old folks home & do service
• Breakfast in Bed (NOTE: this is for married couples only)
• Dessert only date
• Crosswords & breakfast for dinner
• Weed or rake someones yard
• Play the game 'Bigger or Better'
• Water Fight
• Photo Scavenger Hunt (this is one of my brothers favorites and so much fun)
• Go to the park and feed the birds
• WINTER - Build a snowman & have Hot Chocolate
• Tin-foil dinner cookout
• Chopped challenge
• Take out & Board games
• Make Pinatas
• Make cookies and give them out to others
• Homemade Pizza & an Italian Movie
• Bonfire and an outside movie
• Bowling
• Ice Blocking & BBQ
• 1,000 piece puzzle & Pizza
• Point or design pillow cases
• FALL - Carve pumpkins
• Use Marshmallows and noodles to make a house
• CHRISTMAS - make gingerbread houses
• Go for a hike and picnic (make sure that the other person likes hiking)
• Fly a kite and picnic
• Paper mache & Chinese food
• Watch a football game and have nachos
• Fondue
• Go to the Zoo
• Make a movie together
• watch the stars with a telescope
• tie-dye tee-shirts
• Go on a walk to get Ice Cream
• make a duct tape creation
• Laser tag and go carts
• Ice Skating & Hot Chocolate
• Concert & dinner
• Go to a sports game together
• Inner Tube & float down a river
• Go roller-skating
• Art Museum and dinner
• GROUP - play live clue
• Mini-date...everything in mini form (movie, food-mini pizza's, etc.)
• GROUP - Survivor date ---- NOTE: the loosing team buys the treat
• Mini Golf & Milk Shakes
• Go listen to a local band
• Go to a comedy club (The boy I dated took me to one of these and it was so much fun I laughed myself silly and then we went to dinner so much fun)
• Go out dancing
• Go visit your local Planetarium
• Go for/on a hay ride
• FALL - Visit a pumpkin farm, then carve your pumpkins
• attend a class together (dance, art, etc)
• Go to a festival
• Go berry picking

Ok so these are just a few ideas. If you have more ideas please comment and let me know what they are so I can add them to an ongoing list I have.


Yours Truly,

Jenessa

USA Olympians

Dear READER,

In the spirit of the Olympics I wanted to dedicate this post. I have not been able to watch any of the Olympics this year. NOT A ONE! Which is actually really sad. The last time I watch was when I was eight and I remember watching the opening ceremony and just thinking it was the coolest thing since sliced bread and for a kid that was pretty cool.
This time I have gotten all of my knowing from the newspaper I pick up every morning on my way to work. It's really cool to look and see the front page is of how the USA has one another medial. It's been way fun. And we are making history as the US team. The first African American to win a gold medial come on that is cool. Micheal Phelps is up to 19 gold medals. Oh do you want to hear some weird trivia I hear. People who win gold medals have to pay $43,000.00 in takes. Isn't that sick ---- NOTE that number could be a little high or low but it was something like that and I was just shocked.

Ok well anyways here are some of my favorite photos from the stories I have been reading about the Olympics. Hope you enjoy. I know I did and hope to be able to actually watch them on YouTube in the near future.

NOTE: These are from the paper I read so the pictures are not that great but they are just so you get my point to have much I am loving that we still have newspapers so that I can actually keep a bit up to date with what is going on.

I love this part of the summer Olympics

His 19th medal can you believe that - I can't. This article also said that Phelps hadn't really been training or working hard and he was just relying on what he already had....well just think if he had been training hard what it would have looked like.

This always scared me because look she isn't touching anything and he is going to land that on her hands. I would miss the post completely and fall flat on my face.

Sorry the pictures are a bit glared.....but I mean think of the arm muscles you have to have in order to do that

YEAH I just one a Gold medal now I have to pay tons and tons of taxes. Probably not what he's thinking or what I would be thinking in that moment. I heard this was a REALLY great swim and that a record was broken

This picture didn't want to come in the right way so it's kind of weird looking sorry :)

First African American to win a Gold Medal -- and she's from Virginia YEAH!!! I did watch her interview the day after and she is so cute and her mother was just so proud of her. It was really sweet.

Yours Truly,


Jenessa Jensen